drugs
they say everyone will *do drugs at least once in their life.
there’s no way of avoiding it but whether you stick with it or not depends on several factors /// genetics, situations, location, luck? & most importantly your *dealer. if you have an amazing *dealer, you can experience eternal euphoria ::: You can unlock the mysteries of the universe in mere moments and understand yourself more than you ever wanted to
BUT
*drug use is also extremely dangerous: it has the potential to infiltrate your brain through ports unknown to yourself … *drugs can stop your heart dead in it’s tracks with no remorse … and that’s why it’s important to have a *dealer you can trust.
like a skilled chemist, your *dealer can concoct a prescription that enables you to transcend human parameters, or plummet to the dregs of existence. I was lucky, or maybe not so lucky, to have a *dealer capable of both. Moments of rapture & rigor stood back to back like yin and yang. For me, my *dealer was both the grim reaper and St. Matthew … Capable of resurrecting me from a catatonic coma and/or forcing me to face my worst fears. It went on like this for years: checkerboard days in wonderland and limbo with my *dealer, wielding the sharpest double-edged sword that reflected light which was visible for all to see.
UNTIL
one day, I inspired myself with an epiphany of my own:
my *dealer, in reality, was powerless;
merely a manifestation of my addiction.
I alone had the power to break this self imposed trance … BUT taking sole credit for your highs and lows isn’t exactly human nature. To be cut by another is exalting in a way … It gives you
- focus,
- a beast to defeat and
- an opponent to slay.
To be cut by yourself is devastating … afflicted & bleeding, you have no target for vengeance and a feeling of inadequacy that lingers like an alien stench.
my answer is not to bury my sword and ignore my addiction. my answer is to thrust myself into the on coming traffic directed by *drugs. if mastering pain and anguish is not the definition of the human experience than i must be lost in translation.
and so i pack up my shit, stare at the sun & call my *dealer
